Marriage in modern Pakistan — between tradition, tension, and trust | The Express Tribune

ISLAMABAD:

Marriage remains one of Pakistan’s most enduring social institutions, yet new findings from a series of Gallup & Gilani Pakistan surveys paint a complex picture of evolving attitudes toward marital fairness, responsibility, and choice.

The latest data reveal a vast majority of married Pakistanis remain sceptical about fairness after a second marriage. Seventy-two per cent believe it is either not possible or very difficult for a man to treat both wives fairly, while just 26% express optimism.

This scepticism is far sharper among women, where the figure rises to 84%, highlighting persistent gender-based anxieties surrounding equality in polygamous unions.

The survey, part of Gallup’s ongoing study on ‘Marriage and Domestic Harmony in Pakistan’, indicates that concerns about justice in marital arrangements reflect deep-rooted cultural and emotional insecurities.

While only 2% of respondents refrained from giving an opinion, the overwhelming majority leaned towards doubt, suggesting limited faith in a man’s ability to maintain impartiality between two spouses.

Another survey in the same series offers insight into how couples perceive conflict within marriage. Nearly six in ten married Pakistanis —59% çbelieve both husband and wife are equally responsible for fights between spouses.

Only 12% held the husband mainly responsible, and 6% blamed the wife. The remaining respondents either did not know or declined to answer.

This finding points to a broadly pragmatic outlook within households, where most Pakistanis recognise marital strife as a shared outcome rather than a one-sided fault.

It also suggests a gradual move toward more balanced perceptions of domestic relationships, even as traditional hierarchies continue to shape expectations within the home.

The broader Gallup research also explores how marriages themselves come to be. A survey conducted last year showed that four out of five married Pakistanis —81% —had an arranged marriage.

Only 18% said their union was a love marriage, and a negligible 1% offered no response. The data show men were slightly more likely than women to have chosen their partners independently, while younger adults under 30 reported the highest rate of love marriages at 21%.

Interestingly, the urban-rural divide appears minimal, with city residents only 1% more likely to have a love marriage than those in rural areas. This suggests that despite urbanisation and changing lifestyles, traditional matchmaking through families remains overwhelmingly dominant in Pakistani society.

Taken together, the three surveys portray a society rooted in convention but aware of its contradictions. Marriage continues to be seen as a shared duty rather than an individual pursuit, yet fairness and equality within that union remain contested ideals.

As Pakistan’s social fabric evolves, the delicate balance between custom, gender expectations, and modern aspirations remains at the heart of its marital story.