By Sania Javed, Saniya Bano and Dr Shelina Bhamani: Every year on 10 October, the world marks World Mental Health Day. This year, we want to draw attention to something we rarely discuss in Pakistan: the mental health and emotional wellbeing of parents who are expecting a baby. When a Pakistani family hears that a baby is coming, the excitement begins.
There are conversations about doctors, hospital visits, baby clothes, names and arrangements at home. Grandparents begin planning, relatives offer advice, and everyone wants to make sure the mother and baby are healthy. But somewhere in these conversations, we often forget to ask a simple question: how are the parents feeling?
Becoming a Parent Comes with Mixed Feelings
Pregnancy is often described as a happy and exciting time. For many parents, it is. But happiness can exist alongside fear, uncertainty, exhaustion and worry. An expecting mother experiences changes in her body, sleep, appetite, daily routine and relationships. She may feel excited about her baby and still worry about childbirth, her health, her responsibilities and how life will change after delivery. An expecting father may be equally excited but uncertain about his new responsibilities. In many Pakistani households, men are expected to become the financial providers and remain emotionally strong. They may worry about expenses, their partner’s health, the baby’s future or whether they will be good fathers. Some may also struggle to understand their changing role within the family. These feelings are not unusual. Becoming a parent is a major life transition, and both parents need time, understanding and support to adjust.
What Parents May Be Experiencing
Pregnancy can bring stress from physical changes, medical appointments, financial pressures, family expectations and work responsibilities. Both parents may worry about childbirth, the baby’s health and whether they will be good parents. Anxiety can affect sleep, concentration and daily routines. Occasional sadness or irritability is common, but persistent low mood, withdrawal or loss of interest may indicate a mental health concern. Depression and anxiety can affect mothers and fathers, although fathers often hesitate to express their struggles because of social expectations. Parents can feel excited about their baby and still experience emotional difficulties. These feelings deserve understanding, attention and support.
What Can Families Do?
In Pakistan, pregnancy often involves the entire family. While this support is valuable, expectations and unsolicited advice can sometimes add pressure. Families should make space for both parents to share their feelings without judgement or comparison. Helping with household responsibilities, attending medical appointments and allowing time for rest can ease everyday stress. Couples should also discuss how they will share responsibilities once the baby arrives. Elders can offer valuable guidance, but remarks such as “we all went through this” may discourage parents from expressing their concerns. Sometimes, listening is more helpful than offering advice.
When Should Parents Seek Help?
Occasional worry or sadness is common, but persistent anxiety, low mood or emotional distress that affects sleep, relationships or daily life deserves attention. Low mood lasting two weeks or more may indicate depression, although severe symptoms require earlier support. Both mothers and fathers should feel comfortable discussing their emotional wellbeing with a qualified health professional. Antenatal appointments are a good place to begin. Mental health concerns during pregnancy and after childbirth are treatable, and seeking help early can support parents as they prepare for their new responsibilities.
Supporting Parents Is Also a Responsibility of Our Systems
Parental mental health needs to become part of routine maternal and newborn healthcare, rather than depending on individual families recognising distress. Health services should include mental health screening, counselling and referral pathways during pregnancy and after childbirth, with attention to both parents. Lady Health Workers can support early identification and referral through community outreach, provided they receive appropriate training and supervision. Employers must also recognise the needs of expecting parents through flexible working arrangements and parental leave. At the policy level, maternal and child health programmes need to recognise fathers as caregivers and address parental wellbeing as part of early childhood development.
This World Mental Health Day, Let Us Ask About Both Parents
When we speak about early childhood development, we often focus on what children need after birth: nutrition, responsive caregiving, stimulation, protection and opportunities to learn. These are essential. But the wellbeing of parents influences the environment in which children will be welcomed and cared for. This is why our conversations about child development must begin with families, including the emotional health of both mothers and fathers. On this World Mental Health Day, we would encourage families across Pakistan to make one small change. Alongside asking about the baby’s growth, the mother’s diet and preparations for delivery, ask both parents how they are feeling. Give them the space to answer, even when the answer is not what we expect. Preparing for a baby should also mean preparing to care for the people who will raise that baby.
